Tuesday, February 26, 2013

daughter of god

tonight has been an eventful night FHE was great spent time with the people in my ward that i appreciate very much , honestly I've never been so happy as i am right now like i seriously feel so blessed besides the the things that scare me and every other person about life the  future and preparedness i feel like heavenly father puts tracks of love and lessons  on our to be able to recognize that we are not too far from him that we can do this we can move forward that we become better people if we choose to be . the key phrase choose to be . two years ago i chose to close my eyes and not let the mercies of god enter my life . today it's a different story I'm very aware of who my savior is who my god is who i am on this side of the spectrum . I'm blessed to have him and all the people that enter and leave my life especially my family it is all to hard in this world i get it , but not as hard as it could be with out them in your life , living a life with out the gospel is very possible and manageable but is it worth it? is it worth putting aside the love and mercies god has for us.  is worth choosing to be blind not having the merciful blessing of being a little happier than the next person who doesn't know what we know. we truly have purpose we truly have the one and only comfort that can calm our anxiety's our insecurities our emotions and the waves of life and that is the atonement of Jesus Christ. many of us have a vague understanding of what the atonement means i sort of feel like many of us have learned the basics of the atone meant but have we really tried to understand the depths of it have we asked god what it truly can do for us in our mortal life's what it could influence in our daily decisions and actions what power it has to save us from the beatings of the wicked .. what it contains to help us be stronger and aware . its not hard the atone meant has a special side to it a side that i truly love which is hope . hope that god is a just god that our god and savior is there that he relieves and lifts that he understands and knows our struggles that he has a unique plan for us. our purpose is uniquely ours as we live through this life we have to understand Christ has given us the tools and the the love we need to pass this and move on to greater things lets not feel stuck lets not blame others lets not fixate our self on momentary things lets not let the wicked make up and sum our lives lets try to understand that we can fall we can make mistakes all the time . the thing we have to think about  is what can we do  next ?  how we change it? how  do we let god and the savior in our life? truly let them help us and influence us in thinking making and doing good decisions life is a long process but it doesn't have to be as hard as it could be . create the foundation needed to help us stay up and keep nourishing as long as you do your part the lord will do the rest , be sure that he loves you be sure that he is real be sure that he is just be sure that you know the truth of all things through him . and when you do your heart will be filled with gratitude . you will remember this day remember him and how life can be oh so very sweet  in the midst of trials and happiness . god shows me how promises are fulfilled every time i choose to do the right thing . i feel it in my heart , things like this happen if you choose to believe , with this said , i am oh so very grateful and oh so happy that i am who i am i am apart of this i am a daughter of god.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

some nights its as if ive forgotten where i stood where i began where i came forth its like a child losing his way back home i stand still and alone i forget where the sense of belonging feels like dont seem stress i need to do more i keep falling as i get up thinking im alright it takes one more self reliant try never thought of the greater thoughts within never thought of the greater power who sings in my heart who lets me know right from wrong as if i dont know him at all but i do she is the only one who knows my mind if i get up this time i wont be alone ill have her to be my rail my loving father i love the most i let him in he takes me out of a six foot hole where the sun doesnt shine anymore blurry times can cause me to forget the one who has always loved me can redeem me back to the old . can make me see things i remembered in the time before i am only but spirit stuck in flesh and bone for he is my savior and to him i owe it all happiness reigns when he is in control whe governs my life and i obdiently adore for i am his daughter a special being to explore this world of darkness

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

i'm drained im tired ive given up i cant no longer she sets all things around me to make it seem like a domino effect she tries harder to push me down im just so sad right now . gonna take a walk

Thursday, March 29, 2012

good

really excited for spring in nyc
excited for everything
excited because im finishing my medical papers for my mission
and well as soon as i send those papers in im set
till than I've been enjoying my time with my family and friends
i have been preparing my self spiritually for my mission ..
my heart is set <3
haha summer is going to be awesome
I've been going to so many shows ...
and there is no better feeling than to be home seeing and supporting your city musicians and all
haha
i think everything is working out for the better there are somethings im still struggling with but i know ill get through it
what ever the lord wants me to do i shall do
no questions asked
anywho im just so excited to go to sixflags ...
i turn 22 this year in may
kind of feel really old
but its okay
going to cali this may hopefully to see my best friend get babtized yus
and well bloggers ... ive been ... secret singing ... lol
haha never thought id sing in a stage again but i am .. and im enjoying it more than i thought
just for fun though but i am putting my songs out there .. some of my friends want to cover them ... and im just blessed to be able to share my talents with others
anyway
song of the day ... killers for reasons unknown

song i last heard apt .. new wounds song lol

song im inlove with ra ra riot ghosts

till next time

xoxo ivy

Saturday, March 24, 2012

one deep breath one big step I move a little bit closer .. and my heart it don't beat the way it used too it dont beat the way it used to and my lips they dont kiss the the way used yoo and my eyes dint recognize you no more




my heart .
my heart doesnt beat the way it used too
and my eyes see you no more
sigh

Sunday, March 18, 2012

heart break let me rephrase heartbreak letting go , is the most difficult thing to do ,
I'm currently learning how to let go of a really long relationship ... well it just plain sucks .



short story ,

tues 1pm

person : i love you i always will , never will i let go .

*****one week passes by no text no phone call ******

me :are you dead ? are you okay ? have you forgotten about me ? txt me ily <3 A&F


***FIVE MINS LATER **

PERSON : no im alive ily but i met someone new.

me : HEART DROPS *LITTERALY *
TEXT REPLY : WHAT ?

DROPPED MY PHONE . LEFT WALKED FOR AN HOUR . CRYED . 3 YEARS in the shit hole , sigh

PERSON : i love you

***3 days pass *

person 5x texts : imy ? ily ? are you okay ?


**2 mins later **

me :TEXT REPLY : YOU LOVE ME ..? FUCK YOU !
WAIT EXCUSE MY language . what i really said . my heart my mind my soul agree after i get through this pain i will never EVER want someone like you never will i ever want you back never will i tell you what you put me through life love mystery has its ups and downs . i refuse to be down becuase you can't appreciate what is up which is me . and everything i thought we would be , best wishes .



***1days***
person: i love you ... remember the time ? ... ha imy .. hope your okay ... call me ?i realized i miss you i need you you are my world what we have is one only .. shit shit shit shit <__ ok person didnt say shit but thats all i saw haha

**sames texts go on for a week now **


me ... haven't texted back .. don't plan too ..


im slowly accepting this and taking love from its caniving balls and turning them up for my happiness . shurg* sholders on to the next one and by next one i mean life , !


hope you enjoyed this true story ... <3

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I don't know how to explain it but 2012 so far has been a happy blessed time so far .... what a difference from a year ago when I lived in utah . utah was fun and i miss it dearly but nyc is where it's at . lately I chase happiness but this year this time I'm happy with the small things in my life I'm happy because I've seen the great change in my life I'm happy because home is one of a kind I'm happy because I'm not ready to give up I'm fighting got my happiness I a peaceful way I'm fighting for my happiness through the scriptures and right doings . I feel as if this year every one else has problems I used to have but not anymore for me . I feel like a huge burden has been lifted and ask though I know I will have harder times through the year ill what's remember where's worth fighting for . it's never to late to chasse happiness weather it be spiritual musical physical love people our even soul searching this life is as long as we make it so lets make it one to remember , don't be afraid to speak what you feel do what you know and improve a million times better speak your heart let your mind rest speak your peace and let your self be free .. your destiny it's truly a great glorious one no later how small it big it is our eyes behold this future your future my future and I spread love and good luck kittens to all I don't regret loving you xoxo me